...Well...

February 26, 2014

God didn't speak to me the way I had anticipated Him doing on this trip. Instead he blessed me with being able to see Him reflected through His beautiful creation. I didn't get the deafening "Yes! Move to Africa!" or "No! You're Crazy!" that I was expecting. But I guess that is expected when you think you know what to expect from God. All I know is that I love this place and these people. But most of all, I love the one through whom all of this was created. I love Africa, but I'm too in love with my Lord right now to even pay attention to Africa.

The Sappy Post

February 25, 2014

Events:
Bridge walk over the canopies
Bargaining at the African Market
"Tennis" (BIG failure... Me & Alex/vs/Brandon & Jacob)
Flight departure from Accra to NY

This is one of the most painful things I have written. I'm sitting on an airplane as you read this, trying my very best not to start crying again in front of everybody. I don't have any words to describe the juxtaposition between the great day I have had, and the pain involved in leaving Africa. I don't have any poetic descriptions of the current ache in my heart. It's just broken, I guess. Whoever reads this in the future will most likely have no idea what I mean, but it is not a fun time for me right now. I don't have a reason as to why it does, there was no specific event or feeling that overcame me this week, I am just sad. And that's okay. It's okay to be sad when you're sad. I have made the mistake in recent days of thinking that followers of Jesus should never be sad. That even when your world is crashing down on you, and you can hardly breathe, that you should be happy. But guess what. "Jesus wept" (John 11:35). I feel grief. I won't get all sappy on myself, but I am sad. And that really is okay. My sadness comes from the grief caused by loving people, and loving the Lord. He never said, "Follow me and I will make you happy all of the time. No matter what happens, you will be filled with joy at knowing that you are where I want you to be". He would be lying if He said that. I have peace at knowing that God has me on this airplane on purpose, but that doesn't make it fun. I belong in NC, with cussing teenagers and cold rain. I am going home, back to where God has so graciously given me a life that I am blessed to share with the folks He has placed around me. I really do love my life in America, and I honestly could not tell you which I love more, Africa or America, because I love them both for very different reasons.
I know why I love Africa so much. Because there isn't as much noise drowning out His voice, I feel closer to Him there than anywhere else I have ever been. That's why it feels like home, because it's the closest I've ever been to my real home- In heaven, with my Lord and Savior.

One More Time.

February 24, 2014

We got up early this morning to leave walewale, and fly from Tamale to Accra. With a 15% battery, I listened to my "Amí" playlist on my phone (a collection of my favorite worship songs) as I watched the African sun rise over the planes and trees all from the inside of a van. Needless to say, a few tears were shed. As we drove away from Walewale, we passed by countless children on their way to school, men and women cooking and performing daily tasks, and it hurt. It hurt intensely as I listened to the international version of How Great Is Our God, and I cried. Shocker, right? I, Abigail Hackworth would cry as I left Africa. Who would have thought? Well, I did. Not because I have no answers to my questions regarding Africa and my future, or because I felt like I was leaving "home" or because I was dreading American society's return into my life. No, I cried because I love this land. These people.This dust. This dehydration and sweat. I love waving goodbye and hello to hundreds of men, women, and kids whose names I will never know. I don't care about hanging out with Brandon, Alex, Maggie, Jacob, Todd, Janet, and my mom every night. I don't care about being "popular" or not having to look presentable in the mornings. I just care about not being able to see and hear with blinding visibility God's love and creation everywhere I go. 
I am not writing this knowing in the back of my mind that I will ever be called to serve here. Or with any certainty that Africa is my "true calling". I was not overwhelmed with a calling from my Lord to return, or to ever work in a mission field anywhere near the continent again. I honestly couldn't care less about my "future home and calling" right now, or how God will get me there. I am not concerned with any of that. There is no burden or sting or even a thought or regret about what God is shaping me into right now and why. All that I know or am even concerned with is that I love this place and will miss it terribly. I am going to miss Gifted and Grace. I am going to miss the goats and Guinea Fowl, along with even their smell and obnoxious noise. I am going to miss His people here- the families smiling at me- laughing at my mispronunciations of typical greetings such as, "Dasuba" (good morning) in the middle of the afternoon. I'm just going to miss it. A lot. The jaw-dropping amazement that comes from every moment spent in this wonderful place. I miss everything already as I lay in bed in our "resort" at Cape Coast".
There is, however, a small contradiction to this grief. While I am in a heartbroken state over leaving my favorite place on earth, I am a bit happy to see all of my RRBC church family. Such contradiction and I really could not care less about it and am not even thinking about it. Below are the things I will miss about this place:
Sunrise, stars at night, "lion-king-trees", dancing in the baptist church, bagged water, enthusiasm of everything that is done, audibility of creation's praise to the Lord, plastic chairs and a glass bottle of coke in the middle of the day, overwhelming hospitality, dirt on my everything, kindness, laughter, gentleness, innocence, and the visibility of God's power.
Underlined are the things I would trade for anything I have in America. Do you get it now? I cried this morning because I know this amazing place will go on, but that it will be here, and I will be in America, not here.

Service under the stars

February 23, 2014
As I look at these Ghanaian stars, I clearly see that all of creation screams and shouts with the same deafening praise to our God that my Ghanaian brothers and sisters did this morning. The billions of stars that I have been so undeserving to have seen tonight, the infinite number of grains of sand and dirt He has so carefully covered this beautiful earth with. All of this earth, all of the singing birds and whispering trees, everything is just a blurry and dirty reflection of His true beauty and wonder. As I look up at the sky, down at the rocks, and around at these beautiful people He has shared with me, I am filled with a strong sense of inadequacy juxtaposed by thankfulness and joy that He wants me to be a very important part of His beautiful plan for this world and His people. He put such grace and detail into everything He touched and touches, knowing that all it will ever be able to give Him back is the same thing, just with an infinite number of scratches, stains, and cracks.

Dancing. In a Baptist Church.

February 23, 2014

Events:
-Church worship (No sermon)
-Eyeglasses Finale
-Uno!-Stargazing
Worship this morning brought me to tears. From the moment we walked into the church building, I was attacked by the nearly deafening sound of praises sung to God. Men, women, and children all joined together (from separate sides of the room) in praising God in a language I could not understand. The praise leader would say, "Let os sengh" and instantly the room would be filled with praises- some in English, others in Mamprulli. There was singing, there was dancing. Not a single person in that room (with the exception of three self-conscious team members... *cough-cough Todd, Alex, Brandon *cough-cough) was standing still.
At first, our team stood stationary in a room full of dancing Ghanaian believers, but Grace (wife of Pastor Barnabas) invited me to join her in the middle of the floor to dance in a large circle with others praising Him. I probably looked like a complete idiot to the rest of my team members. But I think that God was watching me dance, watching me sing random vowels as I did not know the words to the Mamprulli song, and smiling. That was the most beautiful worship I think we as humans are capable of. Dancing and singing, looking a fool, yet looking so beautiful in the eyes of God. Eventually some of my other team members joined me in dancing and singing.
God is so undeserving of the excuse we call "worship" in the majority of American churches. He is so beautiful, magnificent, wonderful, all-powerful, forgiving, merciful, gracious, gentle, slow to anger, quick to forgive, loving, and most of all: Indescribably awesome. As in, when I even get a vapor of who He is, I am filled with awe and wonder to the point of where the only place that I feel I can even stand to be is on my knees, bowing at His mercy and love while at the same time praising Him endlessly with genuine and inadequate thanks for loving and nursing back to purity an absolute wretch like me. I am a broken excuse for a follower of Christ at times, each and every breath in my lungs is due to His overwhelming patience and mercy on this sinner. He isn't fair- He is wonderfully forgiving and gracious to me.

The Alphabet

February 22, 2014

Events:
Manga Children sang the ABCs
Manga Children "occupation"
Manga eyeglasses
Uno! with Maggie, Brandon, & Alex

Today was the first and only time on this trip that I was able to play with children the way I could on the first trip. We sang the ABCs- which was such an unexpected yet enchanting moment- chills were sent up my spine as I held hands with children whom I had never met- yet somehow been with for what seemed like forever. I think that moment was the highlight of my year- or at least in what I am thinking will be the top-three. And nobody got it on video! Uno! tonight with Brandon turned into Uno! with Brandon, Maggie, and Alex, then just Alex. I don't know how I would spend time in the guest house without Uno! such a simple game means such entertainment when in a third-world-country.

Tree of Tests

February 21, 2014

Events:
Eyeglasses at Gbeo
Extreme Uno! with Brandon
Janet & Maggie stayed behind

Today's clinic was so much better! We had a "Tree of eye tests" that allowed for multiple retests at a time, which really sped up the process! I took near a thousand (more like 100) pictures of little kids and with kids. We were given a guinea fowl whose head would not move with the rest of its body... I took a video because words cannot express the weirdness of the phenomenon... Extreme Uno! with Brandon took place tonight and it was fantastic, although I won once out of what was probably close to 30 games. We used half of the deck instead of the standard seven. Really good- no- great day today. Looking forward to the village of Manga tomorrow!

"We will all be tested"

February 20, 2014

Today was discouraging. I woke up at 5:30 with Janet who is currently sick, and rode in the middle of the backseat of T's truck- squished between Alex and Jacob, with Janet and T in the front. We drove straight from Nalerigu to Walewale, and immediately to the village of Wulugu to hand out eyeglasses. It was horrible. I along with everyone involved was tired, thirsty, and discouraged. We had a 20-person line at all times, and it was taking us anywhere from 5 to 60 minutes to find a pair of eyeglasses for ONE person. Poor Alex spent at least 45 minutes on his first patient, and about 30 minutes on his second. While Brandon flew on by with what seemed like immediate success on every patient he would see. But on the bright side, it cannot get any worse. Oh wait, it can. We no longer have power, air conditioning, and are running on a limited supply of water until further notice.
We stayed up "late" (9:20) tonight and talked for a while about life, church, school, and about how different things are now compared to previous years, while at the same time laughing about how different they will be in the future for all of us. It was a nice way to end an otherwise horrible day.
Oh yea, and our power, air, and water have come back on. Maybe things aren't so bad after all.

Not so far away

Feb 19, 2014

Events:
Teaching at the Junior High
Glasses Party

Today we didn't do much at all- just kinda hanging out at the Medical Center and preparing for the villages. The big thing about today wasn't something that happened today. I laid in bed last night (writing this on the 20th) and started to softly cry. I know that I will leave Africa- but what I realized last night, was that everything is temporary. As I looked at my black and brown feet, all that I could think about was the fact that they would soon again be clean. I had been holding onto small fragments of this place for two years, trying to keep the "trip-sickness" to a minimum (long skirts, the occasional icy shower). But now, everything surrounding me shouts and screams along with my desires in unison, "Africa!" and it is one of the best feelings in the world. That feeling of peace and pure joy juxtaposed by the worst feeling of them all, the recognition of the temporary state that my surroundings are in. In 7 days I will be home, where my skirts are knee-length, my hair is clean, my feet are the same color as the rest of me, and my heart alone continues to shout, "Africa!"
When we drove from Tamale to Nalerigu I was expecting a huge flashback, or a big impact- as if i had finally got what I wanted. I expected to be filled with tears of joy at the sight of that beautiful African sunrise, or those excited faces beaming with joy. But it was really nothing special or unique. My heart and mind have been here since my first trip back in 2012. They just had to wait for my body to join them. So when I saw the washboard road and felt its wrath, it was the most normal feeling I have ever experienced. More normal than walking in a hallway at school. And that's the way I want it. I don't know what any of it means, but I'm glad that I wasn't crazy when I called this place my sort of "habitat" two years ago. This place, Africa, is one of my many habitats, and my preferred. Maybe. I don't know where I belong to be honest, other than that wherever I belong, it is where God wants me- and the struggle is found in waiting for Him to tell me where or what that place is.
God has been shaping my life for the future and present times for a long time! The things I used to think were horrible acts of divine torture were actually divine interventions meant to prepare me for things that are happening now, and that will happen in the many years ahead of me.
Every time that I think God is losing control, he has everything just where He wants it. I am laughing as I write this, just because of how little I know about anything that goes on in my life.

True Love...

February 18, 2014

Events:
-Walking into through the malnutrition wards to color with the children
      -Teaching children to color (...But mainly the Moms)
-Lunch with the Larson family (Missionaries)
-More wards (pediatric) and conversations with the Chaplains
-Volleyball!
-TB (health) Village... Played with the kids!

Today was the first time (this trip) that I held the hands of and laughed with little Ghanaian children. While walking from lunch to Pediatric Wards, they were on their way home from school. They saw us, and immediately started shouting with such glee and enthusiasm, "Hah aah yoo!" "Hah aah yoo!" to which I would respond with the same excitement, "I am fine! I am fine! How are you?" they would explode with joy as they shouted, "Hay ahm fyen too!" they then ran up and grabbed Maggie's hands. We walked a few feet until a small child came up and shyly took my hand with both fear and a sense final security. I grabbed his hand and that shy fear grew into pride that a young white woman had held his small hand. "Waat ees yah nahm?"
"My name is Ah-Bee-Gail"
"Ahh-dee-gahl"
"Yes! What is your name?"
Then more and more children ran up and all started saying, then shouting their names in pronunciations I cannot explain. Such a beautiful thing, making friends with people purely out of trust and love- using neither verbal communication nor flattery- just love. Love in its purest form. Its most beautiful, righteous form. Why can't we all form relationships in this way? An instant basis and foundation of love leading to complete trust. This is what human relationships are meant to be.

Three cheers

February 17, 2014

As previously mentioned, we had our flight from Accra to Tamale and nobody was sick. Nobody sat together on the airplane either. Tour of the Medical Center and I almost cried in the Pediatric ward... Three cheers for the temporary hardening of hearts.

James 4

February 17, 2014

I'm on an airplane at the moment (flying Starbow!) and reading my bible. This verse stuck out to me specifically, and I didn't want to forget about it. It comes from James 4:9-10
     "Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy- humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up in honor"
I sit on this airplane and wonder, do I remorse for the things I have done in this type of severity? Is my sin this big of a deal to me? I should be heartbroken at what I have done, and I am. Yet, at the same time of this heartbroken guilt, I am thankful, and filled with great joy at the thought that after I spit on His perfect face, He takes me back. When I foolishly disrespect Him in such a way that I don't even deserve to dare call myself a "Christian" He takes me back. He always takes me back, wipes away my ashamed tears, and takes me back. His love is perfect, unending, unwavering, and independent. That's the kind of love I need- that is required to even think about calling me a friend of God. And still, I dare to complain when I don't get my way. My heart should never stop thanking Him long enough to even thinking about what I don't have.

Traveling Blues

February 16, 2014

Here is a list of events, because there is really no "reflection" for this kind of day:
Plane ride to Africa... fun
 Alex sick
 Trivia game with Todd & Brandon
 Played Solitaire for two hours straight
     Won twice
Baptist Guest House
 Walked to the Honeysuckle restaurant
 Ate dinner
 Took what will most likely be my last (decent) shower

This feels like such a wasted day, but I am sure that in the days ahead, I will be making up for it.

Departure!

February 15, 2014

We left for Ghana today... or tomorrow- this flight delay due to the ice in New York is killing me! We've been sitting on an airplane (totally stationary) for over an hour! We left from the church at 7:30 am this morning... wait, I hear engines starting up!... and left for New York at about 1:00 pm. We had a lovely seven-hour layover, and are currently sitting on an airplane... Those engine sounds must have been in my head- because we still are not moving. Anyway, our team for this trip consists of:
Alex M.
Jacob W.
Brandon P.
Todd P.
Janet L.
Karla H.
Maggie H.
and Myself
...Making a grand total of 8. It'll be a 12-day stay here in Ghana- if we ever get out of this airport- so I'm not sure what quite to expect... Goodness gracious! I am convinced that the climate of this airplane is 100 degrees with 100% humidity!
I do not have a lot to say about the spiritual happenings, as the most exciting thing I have done today is play a few rounds of Uno! I can say, however, that our group is very united. Everyone is seeming to get along right now. As I said, we played Uno! for a while in the NY airport, I won one of the five games we played (Alex and Todd tied for first, having 2 wins each). Speaking of him, Alex doesn't seem to be feeling well. I prayed for him, but I am not quite sure how this will all play out... I guess that I should make a list of my hopes/expectations for this upcoming trip:
1) Give myself totally and completely to the people here- not just to my team members.
2) Be patient and flexible with the people and hectic schedule that is to come.
3) Read my bible every morning- regardless of how early our flight takes off, or how late our alarm goes off.
4) Have the same awe, wonder, and reverence towards God that I did the first night I looked up at the stars back on my first trip in 2012.
5) Be patient with EACH of my team members (some more than others...).
6) Really focus on what God says to me- whether it be that still & small voice, or a loud & clearly audible shout.

Explanatory Post

Hi there, family, friends, and curious folks. I have created this blog in an attempt to mimic that of my father's a few years back. In other words, the following posts will be direct excerpts from my "Trip Journal" written in on a daily basis throughout my second and most recent mission trip to Ghana. Nothing more, nothing less. A direct primary source for "information" on what goes on during a teenager's mission trip to Africa. I cannot promise that all excerpts will be eloquently spoken, or will even be worth one's time- but I feel that I have been called to share my personal experiences with the small section of this world I have been blessed to interact with... So enjoy, don't enjoy, ignore, study, it really makes no difference to me. But this is your official invitation to peek into the chaos that goes on in my mind as I journey through what I intend to make a life-long attempt to fulfill the Great Commission and be all that I can be for my God.