The Sappy Post

February 25, 2014

Events:
Bridge walk over the canopies
Bargaining at the African Market
"Tennis" (BIG failure... Me & Alex/vs/Brandon & Jacob)
Flight departure from Accra to NY

This is one of the most painful things I have written. I'm sitting on an airplane as you read this, trying my very best not to start crying again in front of everybody. I don't have any words to describe the juxtaposition between the great day I have had, and the pain involved in leaving Africa. I don't have any poetic descriptions of the current ache in my heart. It's just broken, I guess. Whoever reads this in the future will most likely have no idea what I mean, but it is not a fun time for me right now. I don't have a reason as to why it does, there was no specific event or feeling that overcame me this week, I am just sad. And that's okay. It's okay to be sad when you're sad. I have made the mistake in recent days of thinking that followers of Jesus should never be sad. That even when your world is crashing down on you, and you can hardly breathe, that you should be happy. But guess what. "Jesus wept" (John 11:35). I feel grief. I won't get all sappy on myself, but I am sad. And that really is okay. My sadness comes from the grief caused by loving people, and loving the Lord. He never said, "Follow me and I will make you happy all of the time. No matter what happens, you will be filled with joy at knowing that you are where I want you to be". He would be lying if He said that. I have peace at knowing that God has me on this airplane on purpose, but that doesn't make it fun. I belong in NC, with cussing teenagers and cold rain. I am going home, back to where God has so graciously given me a life that I am blessed to share with the folks He has placed around me. I really do love my life in America, and I honestly could not tell you which I love more, Africa or America, because I love them both for very different reasons.
I know why I love Africa so much. Because there isn't as much noise drowning out His voice, I feel closer to Him there than anywhere else I have ever been. That's why it feels like home, because it's the closest I've ever been to my real home- In heaven, with my Lord and Savior.