Not so far away

Feb 19, 2014

Events:
Teaching at the Junior High
Glasses Party

Today we didn't do much at all- just kinda hanging out at the Medical Center and preparing for the villages. The big thing about today wasn't something that happened today. I laid in bed last night (writing this on the 20th) and started to softly cry. I know that I will leave Africa- but what I realized last night, was that everything is temporary. As I looked at my black and brown feet, all that I could think about was the fact that they would soon again be clean. I had been holding onto small fragments of this place for two years, trying to keep the "trip-sickness" to a minimum (long skirts, the occasional icy shower). But now, everything surrounding me shouts and screams along with my desires in unison, "Africa!" and it is one of the best feelings in the world. That feeling of peace and pure joy juxtaposed by the worst feeling of them all, the recognition of the temporary state that my surroundings are in. In 7 days I will be home, where my skirts are knee-length, my hair is clean, my feet are the same color as the rest of me, and my heart alone continues to shout, "Africa!"
When we drove from Tamale to Nalerigu I was expecting a huge flashback, or a big impact- as if i had finally got what I wanted. I expected to be filled with tears of joy at the sight of that beautiful African sunrise, or those excited faces beaming with joy. But it was really nothing special or unique. My heart and mind have been here since my first trip back in 2012. They just had to wait for my body to join them. So when I saw the washboard road and felt its wrath, it was the most normal feeling I have ever experienced. More normal than walking in a hallway at school. And that's the way I want it. I don't know what any of it means, but I'm glad that I wasn't crazy when I called this place my sort of "habitat" two years ago. This place, Africa, is one of my many habitats, and my preferred. Maybe. I don't know where I belong to be honest, other than that wherever I belong, it is where God wants me- and the struggle is found in waiting for Him to tell me where or what that place is.
God has been shaping my life for the future and present times for a long time! The things I used to think were horrible acts of divine torture were actually divine interventions meant to prepare me for things that are happening now, and that will happen in the many years ahead of me.
Every time that I think God is losing control, he has everything just where He wants it. I am laughing as I write this, just because of how little I know about anything that goes on in my life.