Impromptu Worship Service [Warning: it's a long one]

6/18/15
          Tonight we worshiped informally. Elle, our (amazing) cook, has a son named José, who could play the guitar and sing very well. He played every single worship song (some even in Spanish) he knew and we sang and worshiped with him. Then we did the same with Caroline and Christen (two of the girls from Ardmore). Then we ran out of guitar music and just sang out our favorite hymns and anthems A Cappella. It was the ideal worship service, and the whole thing just kind of happened. Nobody planned it; we just saw an opportunity and took it. And boy did it pay off!
          I tried my best to sing to Jesus rather than to others who could hear me--to make a joyful noise from my heart rather than to make a pretty noise from my mouth. It was hard. But I think I did a decent job. I struggle with that a lot; singing so that others can hear my 'perfect notes' instead of singing so that the words reflect my heart. But tonight (although I did stray a bit) I sang with a joyful heart. I might not have been brought to tears by God's presence, but I sang with gratitude for all that Jesus has done in my life. I don't remember which song, but the lyrics were discussing how Jesus is our one hope. Our ONE hope. That even in the deepest valley, Jesus is still with us and His love will carry us through it, no matter what the cost of such luxury may cost Him. Another spoke of how His death and blood brought righteousness to me; that through His sacrifice I am able to experience joy, hope, peace, and love. That song was Scandal of Grace. "Oh to be like you. Give all I have just to know you. Jesus there's no one beside you. Forever the hope in my heart!" It's a beautiful song!
          It's crazy to think about; the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me came at such a heavy cost to Him, and He did it willingly. Carrying my brokenness, my sorrow, my sickness, my shame, and the penalty of my sin on His shoulders alone. He literally picked those off of my back, as I was suffocating underneath the weight of them all, and picked them up Himself to bare the weight and death of the things I created by not choosing Him. My death was caused by not choosing Him, while His death was caused by choosing me. Not because of anything I'll ever do or accomplish; there is no advantage to Him- but He willingly gave His life to be with His beloved (ME!!!) WHAT?! It's the greatest love story to ever be told (or untold in some cases) in all of history! He's so much greater than me! And I'm so awful to Him! And He did THAT for me?! Beauty. Every single detail about Him--pure beauty. He is everything beautiful and lovely.

          I'm embarrassed of my devotion to Him. He deserves more than 100%, and I'm not even giving Him that much. I want to, though. I just fall WAY short. I love Him. And He loves me! He CREATED me. Do you know what that means? It means He WANTED me! I want a BLT sandwich, so what do I do? I create one. I didn't just happen with His approval; He made me because He wanted to love me and for me to love Him back.