Not Good Enough

6/19/15
          I noticed something about myself. Something that I've always known, but never really thought about. I'm an overachiever. Why is that? It's not that I'm seeking the approval of man necessarily,(although I do like it when man approves of me as much as the next guy does.) I seek the approval of God. I worship the idea of hearing the words "well done, my good and faithful servant". I honestly thing that having God tell me at the end of my life that I did a good job is my heart's greatest desire. It's the reason I'm such an overachiever--I'm dying to be 'good enough' for Him.
          But 'ya know what? God doesn't care if I wear a perfectly pleated dress to church. He isn't any more proud of me when I write the announcements on the whiteboard in the youth room in perfect penmanship than He is when I just sit and listen to Him. The sound that comes out of my mouth when I sing is not any more impressive to Him than the words my heart sing to Him. He's impressed by complete faith in Him. By me trusting Him that He will remain sovereign even if I am not. ooh. That's a big one! When things are out of control and messy and sloppy and unorganized, I need to trust Him above all else and not let it stress me out. He'd rather me admit to my lack of control than try to 'impress' Him by "handling it on my own" (aka destroying everything).
          I just want to hear those words "well done". But maybe He'll say them anyway when He looks at me and sees nothing but the Blood of Jesus on judgment day.
          'Ya know what? God is definitely NOT proud of me when He looks at my sin. He was definitely disgusted when He saw my anger, my pride, my hardness of heart. But Jesus gave me God's approval! That thing I thirst for? Jesus literally handed it to me. When God couldn't love that which I had become composed of, Christ came and gave me His body! A new composition! He swapped with me what was lovely, bright, beautiful, full of life, for what was broken, shameful, hideous, and unlovable. He loves me. In the words of Pastor Kerr, "Now that's good news!"